Wedding Responsibility Checker
This tool helps you understand typical wedding responsibilities for groom's parents based on modern traditions. Select items below to see if groom's parents are typically responsible for them.
Responsibility Summary
When you’re planning a wedding, the focus often lands on the couple - the dress, the ring, the first dance. But behind every great wedding is a team of people helping make it happen. And one of those teams? The groom’s parents. They’re not just there to cheer from the front row. They’ve got real roles, responsibilities, and sometimes, real bills to pay. It’s not about tradition for tradition’s sake. It’s about fairness, clarity, and making sure the day goes smoothly for everyone.
What Do Groom’s Parents Actually Pay For?
There’s no universal rulebook, but in most modern weddings - especially in places like New Zealand, the U.S., or Australia - the groom’s parents typically cover a few key expenses. These aren’t set in stone, but they’re common enough to be expected. The biggest one? The wedding rings. That’s right. In many families, the groom’s side buys the wedding bands. Not just the groom’s ring - the bride’s too. It’s a gesture, not a requirement, but it’s still the most consistent expectation.
Then there’s the rehearsal dinner. This isn’t just a casual meal. It’s a formal event the night before the wedding, usually hosted by the groom’s parents. It’s where the wedding party, close family, and sometimes out-of-town guests gather. The cost can range from $1,500 to $8,000 depending on location and guest count. In Auckland, a simple dinner for 30 people at a restaurant might set you back $3,500. That includes food, drinks, and sometimes a small venue fee.
Other common costs include:
- Accommodation for out-of-town guests (especially if the wedding is far from home)
- Transportation for the groom’s side - think shuttles or rental cars for family members
- Wedding party gifts for groomsmen, ushers, or best man
- Some or all of the marriage license and officiant fees
- Tip for the band or DJ, if not covered by the couple
Let’s be clear: these aren’t hard rules. Many couples today pay for everything themselves. Others split costs 50/50. But if you’re the groom’s parent and you’re being asked to contribute, these are the areas you’re most likely to be expected to help with.
Who Pays for the Wedding Rings?
The wedding rings are one of the most emotionally charged expenses. Traditionally, the groom’s family buys both rings. Why? Because the ring is a symbol of the groom’s commitment - and historically, it was seen as part of his offering to the bride’s family. That’s outdated thinking, but the practice stuck.
Today, it’s more common for couples to pick out the rings together. Sometimes the groom’s parents chip in, sometimes they don’t. If they do, it’s usually a gift - not a loan. A simple gold band might cost $800. A custom design with diamonds? $3,000 or more. If you’re planning to help, it’s better to say so early. That way, the couple doesn’t accidentally buy rings that exceed the budget.
And here’s a real tip: don’t surprise them with the rings on the wedding day. That’s a movie moment, not a practical move. Give them the rings before the ceremony - ideally, hand them to the best man or ring bearer. Otherwise, you risk the rings getting lost, forgotten, or worse - not fitting right.
What About the Rehearsal Dinner?
This is the one event where the groom’s parents are almost always the hosts. It’s not just a dinner. It’s a chance to welcome everyone, thank the wedding party, and ease nerves before the big day. The guest list usually includes:
- The wedding party (bridesmaids, groomsmen, flower girl, ring bearer)
- Immediate family from both sides
- Out-of-town guests staying overnight
- The officiant and their spouse
It’s not a party. It’s a quiet, heartfelt gathering. Most people don’t expect fancy catering or open bars. A plated meal at a local bistro or a backyard BBQ with drinks is perfectly acceptable. In New Zealand, many families choose a casual spot like a winery or a beachside café. Keep it simple. Keep it meaningful.
Don’t forget to send invitations - even if it’s just a text or WhatsApp message. And if you’re hosting, make sure the couple knows who’s paying. That way, they can thank the right people.
What Do Groom’s Parents NOT Have to Pay For?
It’s just as important to know what’s not your job. You’re not responsible for:
- The bride’s dress or bridesmaids’ outfits
- The venue rental or ceremony setup
- The wedding cake
- The photographer or videographer
- The honeymoon
- Any floral arrangements or decor
These are usually covered by the couple or the bride’s family. If you’re being asked to pay for any of these, it’s okay to say no. Or better yet - have a conversation early. Say something like: “We’re happy to help with the rehearsal dinner and the rings. We’re not in a position to cover the venue. What’s the plan there?”
There’s no shame in setting limits. A wedding shouldn’t break anyone’s bank. The goal is to celebrate, not stress.
What If You Can’t Afford It?
Money is tight for a lot of families. That’s normal. If you can’t cover the rehearsal dinner or the rings, say so. Don’t pretend you can. Don’t go into debt. There are alternatives.
Maybe you host a potluck-style dinner instead of a restaurant meal. Maybe you give a heartfelt speech and a photo album instead of a cash gift. Maybe you help with driving guests or setting up chairs on the day. Contributions aren’t always financial. Time, effort, and presence matter just as much.
One couple in Wellington had their groom’s parents help with printing programs, assembling favors, and driving the wedding party around town. They didn’t spend a dollar on the event - but they made it unforgettable. That’s what counts.
How to Talk About Money Without Awkwardness
Money talks are hard. But they’re necessary. Start early - ideally, six months before the wedding. Sit down with your son (or daughter-in-law) and say something like:
“We want to support you in a way that works for us. We’re thinking of covering the rehearsal dinner and the rings. We’re not sure about the rest. What are your plans?”
That’s it. No pressure. No guilt. Just honesty. If they’re open to splitting costs, great. If they’re paying for everything, that’s fine too. The key is alignment.
And if you’re the groom? Don’t assume your parents will pay. Don’t wait for them to offer. Bring it up. Say: “I know you’ve got your own budget. Is there anything you’d like to help with? We’re happy to cover the rest.”
Modern Weddings, Modern Rules
Today’s weddings aren’t about who’s “supposed to” pay. They’re about what works for the people involved. Some families split everything. Some couples pay for everything. Some parents give a lump sum and let the couple decide how to use it. All of it is valid.
The only wrong thing? Silence. Not talking about money leads to resentment. And resentment has no place at a wedding.
So if you’re a groom’s parent, ask yourself: What can I give? Not what I have to give. What I want to give. Whether it’s cash, time, or a handwritten note tucked into the guestbook - your role matters.
And if you’re the groom? Thank them. Not just on the day. But before. And after. Because no matter what they pay for, their love is the real gift.
Do groom’s parents have to pay for the wedding rings?
Traditionally, yes - the groom’s family buys both wedding rings. But today, it’s not required. Many couples pick out rings together and pay for them themselves. If the groom’s parents want to contribute, it’s a thoughtful gesture, but it shouldn’t be expected or forced.
What if the groom’s parents can’t afford the rehearsal dinner?
There’s no obligation to host a fancy dinner. A potluck, a backyard BBQ, or even a simple gathering at a local café works just fine. The point is to welcome people and show appreciation - not to spend a lot of money. Time and effort matter more than the price tag.
Are groom’s parents expected to pay for accommodation for guests?
It’s common for the groom’s side to help with lodging for out-of-town guests - especially if the wedding is far from home. But it’s not mandatory. Many couples book a block of rooms and split the cost. If you can’t afford it, say so. Offer to help with transportation or coordination instead.
Can the groom’s parents give money instead of paying for specific items?
Absolutely. Many families now give a lump sum to the couple, letting them decide how to use it. This removes pressure and gives the couple control. Just make sure the amount is clear and agreed upon in advance.
What if the groom’s parents are divorced or remarried?
There’s no rule here. Some families involve both biological parents. Others let the parent who’s closest to the groom take the lead. If there’s a stepparent, include them if it feels right. The goal is to honor the groom’s relationships - not follow outdated norms.
