If you wander into nearly any men’s shop in Auckland this winter, you’ll overhear anxious conversations about wedding attire. But the most stressed-out customer? Nine times out of ten, it’s the father of the groom. Here in New Zealand, tradition matters, but so does carving out your own style. Yet, it’s rarely as simple as picking a suit and tie and calling it a wrap—especially for a milestone like your son’s wedding. Expectations run high, personal taste gets tangled with family customs, and there’s always the silent pressure of a soon-to-be daughter-in-law with her phone full of Pinterest boards.
Understanding the Role: Style, Symbolism, and Etiquette
Let’s face it: the father of the groom is more than just background scenery. You’re a visible, symbolic presence. Somehow, what you wear isn’t just about looks—it embodies pride, respect, and support for both families. In most cultures, there’s no strict dress code for the father of the groom, but etiquette has evolved to favor harmonious style. Traditionally—think British or Kiwi customs—the fathers mirror the groom and the groomsmen, blending unity with subtle distinction. For classic church weddings, this might mean a dark, tailored suit or even morning dress (especially for ultra-formal occasions). For vineyard affairs in Matakana, lighter suits or blazers with smart trousers hit the mark.
One fact I love: In the late 1970s, New Zealand dads were infamous for mismatched brown suits while their sons sported frills and bellbottoms. These days, most couples (including my friends and even my Liam) prefer everyone looking like they attended the same event—but with just a hint of personal flair. Etiquette experts, including Anna Chittenden from the British Wedding Society, suggest consulting with the couple before making any choices. Why? Because standing out (or clashing) in family photos is a misstep you really want to avoid.
Don’t forget accessories. A tie or pocket square in a shade that matches the wedding palette can be all it takes to let everyone know: “I’m family.” And shoes? Please, wear something polished—Oxfords or brogues are always safe bets.

Finding the Perfect Look: Matching, Complementing, and Standing Out
Now, finding an outfit that fits both the vibe of the wedding and your own personal style can feel a bit like walking a tightrope. The main idea is simple: don’t upstage the groom, but don’t be an afterthought. The most common guideline is this—coordinate with the groom and, by extension, with the groomsmen. Not identical, but visually related. For example, if the groomsmen are in navy suits, the father of the groom might try a charcoal or mid-blue suit. If it’s a more casual wedding, think tailored separates: a crisply pressed shirt and jacket with smart chinos or trousers. Matching exactly isn’t necessary. It’s about looking like you belong in the same story.
One of my favorite trends (which I saw at a gorgeous June wedding on Waiheke Island) is subtle patterns. Winston, the father of the groom, wore a suit with a faint plaid check. It looked modern, smart, and set him apart just enough from the sea of plain navy. If you like color, a tie or pocket square with a muted floral motif inspired by the bride’s bouquet shows effort without screaming, “Notice me!” And if there’s ever a moment to get a bespoke shirt or have your suit tailored, this is it. You’ll be moving, dancing, hugging—it’s worth every penny for a sharp fit.
Something else I notice the best-dressed dads do? They keep materials seasonal. New Zealand has pretty unpredictable weather. For summer, think lightweight wool, linen blends, or even seersucker if the wedding is more relaxed. For winter, tweeds and brushed cotton look sharp and keep you warm during those chilly garden photographs. If you’re worried about sweating it out in the sun, keep a spare undershirt handy and choose fabrics that won’t cling or crease too badly. Oh, and if in doubt about formality, overdressing slightly is safer than underdressing. You can always ditch a tie or open a top button after the official photos.

Common Mistakes and Personal Touches: What to Avoid and How to Shine
The biggest blunder I see? Wearing whatever suit is in the closet without thinking about fit, color, or the style of the wedding. Boxy jackets, baggy trousers, shoes from another era—trust me, everyone will notice. Ill-fitting clothes photograph badly, no matter how expensive. So if your best suit last saw daylight at your cousin’s wedding ten years ago, head to a good tailor. Even a minor tuck or hem makes a world of difference.
Another classic misstep: going rogue on color or print. Unless asked by the couple, now’s not the time for wild checks or neon ties. You want to complement, not compete. If you’re completely unsure, ask for a swatch or photo of the wedding colors. It’s also smart to avoid overly casual looks unless it’s specified. Kiwi weddings sometimes lean toward jandals and shorts, but for the dads? Stick with long trousers, closed-toe shoes, and at least a collared shirt if not a proper jacket.
When it comes to personal touches, subtlety wins. Family heirloom cufflinks, a classic watch, or a lapel pin that means something to you or the groom can be conversation starters and little tokens of legacy. At a recent big bash in Auckland, the father of the groom wore a tie clip shaped like a silver fern—a nod to national pride and his late father. These details tell stories without stealing the show.
Now let’s talk about how to actually put the whole look together. Start early—don’t wait until a week before. Schedule a fitting two months ahead, especially if you’ll need alterations. Double-check with the groom or the couple’s wedding planner about the dress code. If you’re feeling truly lost, plenty of Auckland menswear shops like Crane Brothers or Working Style have consultants who specialize in wedding advice. Some even offer hire options if you don’t want to buy an outfit outright.
If there’s ever a wedding where the dress code is uniquely themed—maybe a 1920s garden party or beachside barefoot vows—the best move is clear communication with the couple. You’ll never regret making that quick call to your son. While tradition matters, modern weddings are more flexible than ever. And remember, your goal is to look put together, proud, and ready to make your toast—not to win best dressed from Vogue.
Here’s a quick checklist:
- Consult with the couple to confirm dress code and color scheme.
- Book a fitting at least two months before the big day.
- Choose a suit or smart separates that coordinate but don’t compete.
- Add subtle personal touches, but avoid novelty pieces unless approved.
- Pick comfortable, weather-appropriate fabrics (seriously, linen wrinkles—embrace it or avoid it).
- Polish your shoes and, if you own them, your manners (your speech is part of the outfit, after all!).
Nerves are normal for a day this big, but there’s something satisfying about stepping out looking your best when you’re playing such an important role. If you hit that sweet spot between matching the wedding party and adding your own quiet signature, you’re doing it right. And that’s one less thing for your son or his partner to worry about—which is the greatest gift you can give on their big day. Your father of the groom outfit might just steal a few hearts, too. Who says dads can’t be dashing?